Another night....another fit...another way

After yesterday and the feelings I had, I was almost nervous about bedtime. How would she do? How would I handle it? How would Ryan handle it? Would we agree? Would we even know what to do?

As we went to bed, one of the things from yesterday was that Lindsey feel more independant. She typically doesn't have to go to the bathroom during the night, but sometimes she uses that as her "stall game" that she needs to try 5 times. It became a big struggle. So I had been putting the baby potty in her room. Last week Ryan and talked about that really she is old enough to just get up and go if she needs to. Last night I told her that we weren't going to put the potty in her room because if she needed to go she could just get up and go. Without even asking! She was excited. That may seem random, but the point is that we were trying to head off the fit by making her excited about something new and "big" at bedtime.

We also told her that we'd leave the door cracked and not close it all the way. She's slept with it closed all the way since she was in this house. If you haven't seen our house, her bedroom door opens up bascially into the living room. She was VERY excited about that. This was to make her not feel like we were leaving her. We are thinking that some of her fits come from anxiety about us leaving her in her room and her feeling alone and maybe scared in there. An open door to where we are might head off some of those feelings.

Going to bed was fine, normal and went very smoothly. The pre-going to bed I should say! She didn't complain about it being bedtime (she usually doesn't), went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth, picked out a Christmas book that we got out yesterday and seemed great. I was the one reading books, which in her little mind is a better idea. She's gotten a lot better about Ryan doing it though for sure! We don't have to fight that battle any more! Ok...back to bedtime. I start reading "Pat the Christmas Bunny" and she pets the bunny when it says to, then we get to the "smell the candy cane" and she starts...the silent fit! She just stares at me. I am thinking.... are you kidding me?! I don't have a CLUE what to do. So I try my best to stay very calm and posititve. I do. I give her several opportunities, offering it in different ways: her holding the book, doing it later when she is ready, doing it now so we can move on, telling her she doesn't have to do it at all if she doesn't want to, etc. I start to turn the page and the screaming/kicking fit begins. I gently put the book down and tell her that I can't read when she's acting like that, but when she's ready to act right I'll finish reading. I walk out of the room....and of course she follows me! I'm almost in tears feeling so at a loss!!!

I won't continue this horribly long post with all the details. Ryan talked to her for a while. It came down to her doing it or we take away the Christmas tree that we put in her room. So as I go in to read the book (do the smelling the candy cane part) she reluctantly and VERY slowly does it and touches the stocking, which was also a battle just like the candy cane. However, she decides she didn't touch it how she wanted to! ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME?!?!?!?! I'm going to pull my hair out AND hers!!! I tell her that if she wants to touch it again then to get down and get the book. She doesn't, so I go on to her little devotional book that we read everynight. She starts a fit and I tell her that she will lose her Christmas tree if she throws a fit. She sits still and again reluctantly holds herself together. We finish the devotional, pray and I leave. All was fine.

After ALL of this (if you are still reading!) I went to bed feeling totally different than I did this afternoon and totally different from how I felt about it all the night before. Last night I felt like it was a TOTAL CONTROL issue of her wanting total control. There was nothing OCD about not touching or smelling the book. That was her way of stall game, I believe. She even said she didn't want to go to bed because she wanted to stay up with us. She's come to realize lately and asked what we do when she goes to bed. I think that is more of it than I realized.

GOSH! I don't even know. Tonight we are going to be at Ryan's mom's house spending the night and tomorrow night at my mom and dad's house spending the night. Then we'll be back home on Sat. after a LONG Thanksgiving--3 infact--Ryan's dad's today, mom's tomorrow and my family on Sat! I'm sure she will be crazy by Sat. night and that will be nuts. However, on Sunday I'm going to "offer" a reward for going to bed like a big girl. She will get to "earn" time to stay up late! I think that will help. We are going to try it anyway!

Happy Thanksgiving!